Bride’s Father Refuses to Pay for and Attend Wedding Unless He Gets to Officiate Ceremony

The bride shared on Reddit that she’s now considering “eloping” after the disagreement with her dad, who is a pastor

• A bride shared on Reddit that her father, who is a pastor, wants to officiate her wedding but she has turned down his request
• The bride explained that she has a difficult relationship with both of her parents, noting, “I can’t have my father preach to me and my husband-to-be about love when he has rarely shown it to me throughout my childhood”
• He father got upset and said he will no longer pay for the wedding or even attend

A bride refused her father’s request to officiate her wedding ceremony — and now he’s threatening to not pay for the wedding or even attend.

She detailed her dilemma in a post on Reddit‘s “Am I the A——” forum, noting that her dad has been a pastor for 30 years and it’s “always been a running joke” in the family that he would perform his two daughters’ wedding ceremonies and christen their children.

However, the OP (original poster) went on to share that she and her sister do not have a good relationship with their parents, explaining, “Both of them are definitely narcissists, and some things they did left deep psychological scars that I still deal with to this day.”

While her sister did allow their father to officiate her wedding, the OP is firmly against the idea for her own ceremony. “This is not something that I want,” she insisted. “I can’t have my father preach to me and my husband-to-be about love when he has rarely shown it to me throughout my childhood.”

Things came to a head a few weeks ago, when the OP and her fiancé had dinner with her parents and her dad said during their conversation, “I wonder what message I should give at your ceremony.”

“I shot him down immediately, saying I did not want him to perform the ceremony,” she recalled. “He got mad and asked me to explain myself. I told him that I still wanted him to walk me down the aisle, which made him blow up even more. I finally said that he could choose between being my father or being my pastor.”

After the tense dinner conversation, the OP’s father has been “demanding” that she apologize “because it’s his right as my father to perform the ceremony.”

“He’s threatening not to pay for my wedding, and he’s saying that if he doesn’t perform the ceremony, he and my mother won’t be attending,” she wrote, adding that she is now “considering cutting all contact and eloping.”

She concluded her post by asking, “AITA [am I the a——]?”

In the comments section, readers were quick to assure the OP that she did nothing wrong and has every right to refuse her father’s offer to officiate her wedding ceremony, considering the circumstances.

“He blew up because the fact that he has no authority over you anymore, smacked him right in the face, from what he thinks is out of left field. He wasn’t prepared for it. And now he’s trying to use paying for your wedding to manipulate you into giving him back that authority,” one person wrote, adding, “Only you can decide what is most important to you. I honestly don’t think you can be judged [the a——] whichever way you choose, as long as you’re being true to yourself.”

Another commenter agreed, writing, “Your father is emotionally and financially blackmailing you.”

Someone else offered a little reminder and some advice: “The wedding is for you and your husband to be. You are the only two that get to decide what is and is not going to happen and whoever decides to not get onboard they will handle it how they handle it. This should be a joyous occasion for the two of you — make the decisions that will make sure that’s the case.”